Sly Cooper: Diary of a Theif Vol II
by Fragariaphobia
Summary: Sly explains the events of Sly 2: Band of Theives through a firsthand experience.
1. Chapter 1

To whomever may be reading this:

To whomever may be reading this:

My name is Sly Cooper, a thief. Not just a thief, a thief from a long line of thieves. It's sorta like a family tradition in a way. I don't know how you got this book, where you found, who gave it to, or anything else. I don't really care about that right now. What I DO care about is the fact that I'm in trouble. And I need mental support, or else I' going to crack. Basically, two years ago, the menace in the form of a robotic owl that haunted my family ever since it's beginning, has been brought down by my friends and me. Certainly, you must be thinking "Oh gee Sly, that's awfully impressive, you must be capable of doing anything you want." Well, you're wrong. That was hard. Not just hard, life-threatening hard. I'm surprised I was able to accomplish such a feat. I'm surprised I'm alive. I'm surprised I'm not traumatized for life. Anyways, that isn't the point of any of this. Robots consist of parts, right? Parts that can be put back together, right? When we trashed him, we completely overlooked this! And now, the parts of Clockwerk, the owl are being stashed in a museum. We just need to get them back and destroy them. Without drawing ANY attention to ourselves. Bentley, Murray, and I have agreed to keep this quiet and away from the media. We don't want newspapers saying we stole all the parts to a robotic death machine and we have some psychotic intentions. No big, giant show of stealing them, no out-of-control manner, purposely running through spotlights, none of that. I'm just really nervous that something like this could happen. Two years ago, I thought it was done. I thought I was safe. We all did. But we were wrong. DEAD WRONG. Tomorrow night, we go in, a museum in Egypt. We're already 20 miles outside of the city, resting for the big day. Nobody knows how big this is. It isn't just me and my family anymore, Bentley and Murray are in trouble to. Same goes for Inspector Carmelita Fox. She was a big help in the demise of Clockwerk. All these people could easily die if not action is taken. Until next time.

I cannot believe that… it's just… ARGH! We broke into the museum carefully, undetected, the perfect robbery, only to discover that the Clockwerk parts AREN'T THERE! Inspector Fox gave me the whole "returned to the scene of the crime just as I expected" thing, and her little friend, Constable Neyla let slip something about "The Klaw Gang". We're trying to gather as much info on them as we can; it's the only lead we have on where the parts went. I felt something like this was going to happen, it always does! Whenever things seem their greatest, something goes wrong. When something goes wrong, it's like a domino effect, each things leads to something else, and in the end, you've got a bigger mess to clean up than the one you started with. Bentley's been on the computer since we got back. After the getaway, we all just sat in silence for about 20 minutes. We knew nothing good can come from this, but of course, there's nothing we can do. We're already involved, might as well get even more involved. So far, we've got no idea on where the parts are. We have no idea who's in the Klaw Gang, we have no idea what kind of methods they use for thieving, we have no idea what they want with the parts, or what they've done with them. I haven't openly admitted this in quite a while, but: I'm scared. Plain, flat out scared. Scared of the past, scared of the future, I have no idea what's going to happen. I have no idea what we're going to do about this. All I know is that it's something. Well, good night for now…


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, all right then

Okay, all right then. I am calmed down now. I looked back at my last two entries, and I realized I was FREAKING OUT. My handwriting is sloppy from shaking while writing. We've tracked down who is currently in possession of the Clockwerk tail feathers. Our plan is to destroy all the pieces one by one, in order to do that, we'd need to get all the pieces. So we're going to chase down the Klaww Gang, beat the snot out of them, and take back the parts. Getting Dimitri should be simple, since they have no clue that we're after them, the next member we track down should be slightly aware, but after that, they'll be certain and on high alert. This shouldn't be REALLY hard, I mean, I defeated Clockwerk, took him down and broke him to pieces. That was the most amazing feat I've ever done. I had no idea I could do it. I thought I'd be the orphaned child who was too scared to save his family legacy from total and utter destruction, thus leaving the Cooper family name to the history books. I thought I'd be "the failure" of the family, the disgrace who just wasn't tough enough. But I know better than that now. No person is worthless, no person is unable live up to expectations, anyone can do anything, they just have to have determination. I guess putting it all down on paper makes me feel better about it. I only write when I feel like I'm in trouble and I need someone to talk to. And, I guess I do need someone to talk to right now. But not for long, this gang of selfish crooks is going down; Clockwerk will never see the light of day again.

35 minutes 'till Showtime. We'll start to take down Dimitri's setup piece by piece. It's like a domino effect, if we do one thing, it leaves us room to do another thing, and we get closer and closer to the tail feathers, then grab them. We've got some pretty clever plans going on, we're just running through them right now to make sure they're FLAWLESS. One little mistake, and we've got guards all over us. So, I suppose I should be helping. It is a TEAM effort. Better get going.

Alright, since we all have jobs to do at certain times, I suppose I'm free to write more often. Pretty convenient. Maybe get some spur-of-the-moment thoughts out. Bentley and Murray are out at the moment. I would NEVER want to be caught dead writing. I mean, they're my friends, and they'll understand that I need to get my thoughts down, but still, guys who write in diaries are "sissies". Which is one thing I NEVER want to be thought as. Ever. And of course, the dreaded April Fool's day prank of reading it aloud. I'd die right on the spot. Not that they'd try and exploit my personal thoughts for a couple of laughs… but you never know. Might as well keep it secret for now…

So, we've got about 90% of our objectives complete. I haven't gotten time to write, but now I do. Of course, I'm writing this under the table while Bentley is giving a little slideshow, but I'm sure Murray is paying attention. Okay, not really. I'll just go along with it. We're going to get them as quickly as possible. Grab and go. Hopefully, this will work. And, Bentley just turned the lights on, so "I was paying attention the whole time".


	3. Chapter 3

Show time, we're all in place for this mission. We're gonna smash the sign from the front of the nightclub into the fountain, which is above Dimitri's printing press. He's using the Clockwerk tail feathers to print fake money with. Talk about low. Where' the fun in that? It's better to steal than make. I mean, we've never stolen from anyone who NEEDS the money. Usually, we don't steal money at all. Just priceless gems, and artwork, really. Nothing that anyone NEEDS. But this guy, not only did he assist in bringing the threat of Clockwerk back, he's also printing money, which is illegal. Not "Cooper Gang" illegal. The regular kind. The almighty dishonorable lawbreaking. Breaking the law at other's expensive, whereas the Cooper Gang steals from those who can afford the loss. Like… big-time billionaires. And the occasional museum of precious jewels and gems. Who can resist the change at owning rare and expensive gems, eh? So, better get cracking.

Ha! Didn't even stand a chance. Don't pick a fight with Sly Cooper when he's not happy, or you'll wind up beaten and tossed in a trashcan. Of course, after he had the snot beaten out of him, we took off with the Clockwerk tail feathers, leaving Dimitri to face the wrath of Inspector Fox, who always has the most convenient timing. Let's not forget her lovely assistant, Constable Neyla. Don't know much about her, but I do know she's someone we're going to keep on our good sides. She understand a lot about what's happening and what a menace these parts are to the world. Someone to give us a helping hand, discreetly. Of course, to celebrate our first victory, we're just going to go out and have a good time. Try some gambling, relax, and maybe even cheat at a few card games. We're setting up who to go after next. Rajan the tiger, from India. I'll get the details on him later, right now, we're gonna go out and enjoy ourselves. For a little while, I was worried. I mean, the Klaww Gang is just doing this to benefit themselves. Not like they're going to re-assemble the parts. But, anything's possible. So we better keep our eyes on them for now. Well, next time I'm going to write would probably be like… 3 in the morning. That's all for now.

Well, just as a predicted, 3 in the morning. Not bad, I never knew Bentley was so good at gambling. Of course, now we need to get serious. We have to go all the way to India to track down Rajan, who we believe has the Clockwerk wings. I've never been to India before; I hear it's pretty nice. Of course, we always get a chance to relax after we're done our business. Maybe Inspector Fox would finally accept an invitation to spend a night under the stars with me. Heh, if she wasn't too busy paying attention to her work. I guess chasing me all around the world is a lot to deal with. But there's nothing she can't handle. I'm pretty sure of that. Better call it a night; everyone else has turned it. Tomorrow morning, we start taking the steps to take down Rajan.


	4. Chapter 4

On the road, we'll arrive at Rajan's palace around… say 7 PM. It'll take about an hour and a half for us to get in and all settled in. Timing is everything here. We need to get those wings before our lovely Inspector has a chance to prove that they were the ones stolen from the museum and Rajan is arrested. Basically, we get in, get the wings, and get out as discreetly as possible. We really can't afford the cops chasing us with those huge things; it will take forever to lose them IF we lose them. We'll review the plan once we get inside. Bentley already has a rough idea about what we're doing, but needs to actually be there with things happening for him to really be able to think. I gotta admit it; he's a pro when it comes to winging it. Better get ready to go, we're moving in to a quiet place to park the van.

And after about an hour of working, I managed to get the drawbridge down and ready for any non-Thieving raccoons to walk right on in. Now we're definitely ready to starting taking things to get at those wings. Only problem is that they're welded onto a statue. In a ballroom. Filled with people. Of course, we're going to have to be twice as careful as we previously had planned. Bentley's working on this insane saw-thing to take them off, and Murray is… destroying things. I, on the other hand, am to distract the crowd with my fine dancing skills. Miss Fox will have a night to remember, that's for sure. I'm sure she'll enjoy the quality time we'll be spending together. And now, back to "work".

Apparently to get into a party, you need to DRESS for the occasion. We overlooked that part and I had to go and trash several people's rooms and go through their stuff to find some stuff. In the end, it worked out nicely; I will dance with Carmelita later in the night. I had to impress her first by using Neyla. Of course, the priceless jealous look on Carmelita's face was adorable as is every other look on her face. I mustn't keep her waiting too long, so it's best I hurry finishing up all the necessary precautions to make sure our mission is a complete success.

It's been a night of explosions, riding elephants, stealing keys, and utterly wrecking things for Rajan, but I'm in position to enter the ballroom and create the most interesting distraction it has ever been my pleasure to create. Of course, I couldn't have pulled it off without the assistance of Neyla and her incredible ability to cause Carmelita to be jealous.

Success. Well, 90% success. Murray's almost in the van, he's just taking the last hundred yards with the wings and we're home free. Everything went according to plan, as usual, and nobody noticed a thing. Of course, Carmelita probably did when I took off while she was busy gawking over the fact that the wings were gone, but of course, I left her a little present. What gentleman leaves a lady without a rose and a farewell letter? The only problem we have is that Rajan disappeared from the party. Not sure where he went, but we'll find him. Where would a paranoid tiger hide in India? Won't be too much trouble to figure out, but our main concern is if he leaks the info out to the rest of the Klaww Gang. Then we're really in some serious trouble, because they'll know exactly who to go after and hide the parts from. We'll need to find a place to stay for a while, after all, he can't have gotten too far that fast.


	5. Chapter 5

Still little to no word where Rajan may be. It's been about a week since we lost track of him. We've been tracing spice shipments, data on the conditions the illegal spice needs to grow, police data of people caught with it, we haven't been going nuts with finding out, but we're pretty tired from all the work. We think we found a promising location, but it's MILES away from any road or town. In the jungle. Deep in there. But Bentley assured us that if he's not there, he's not anywhere. I'm not exactly sure about this, but this guy is NUTS, so where else would he be? We're going to drive as far as we can into the jungle, leave the van, and walk the rest of the way. We've gotten a connection with a guy who will sell us a few machetes for slicing through vines and trees. Bentley composed this large map of the area, and we have a couple canteens of water, and some food to get us in there without dying on the way. We leave in two days. Better get back to work with loading stuff in the van…

We finally made it. Over 52 hours of hiking through the jungle and we've finally found Rajan's hideout. An old crumbling temple. We also learned that he has the Clockwerk heart. A VERY strong pump that he's using for his spice plants. We're going to shut down his operation and make him pay for ever playing with things that are dangerous beyond all reasoning. After a short break, I'm going to look around his temple and where he hides everything before we try and make any moves.

The heart has been located. He split it in half and is using one half to irrigate the spice plants, and the other half he has on the end of a staff. I guess he knew we'd want it so he's trying to keep it away from any place that we could just waltz right in and take it. Clever, but it will probably be his downfall. If he's just walking around, we could knock him unconscious and just take it. For now, we need to find a way to get in and steal the half that Rajan isn't holding. Bentley found a way in… sort of. It's out of reach, but he thinks there's another way in. We'll need to snoop around to find it.

Constable Neyla proved herself to be quite a useful ally. She led me right to the entrance of Rajan's spice-growing room. And I even offered to take her out once we finish up stealing the Clockwerk heart. She waited a few minutes to accept, but I knew that she wanted to say "yes" immediately and was just teasing me. Or course, looking to the future won't do us much good if we can't deal with the present. So far, we destroyed some of Rajan's property; pick pocketed some blueprints from him, and took back half of the heart. This made him even more paranoid and he's hiding in the temple somewhere. We have no idea where, but Bentley has some plans to get him out. They're all okay suggestions, but I personally like the plan where we blow up the dam and flush him out. We've got a lot to do, so I'll probably write on the van ride out of the jungle. Then maybe after my date with Neyla. I'm sure something interesting is bound to happen with someone as unpredictable as her. Until next time.


	6. Chapter 6

Filthy, disgusting, no-good, horrible TRAITOR. Neyla makes me sick to my stomach. Just as we were carrying out with our plan to take down Rajan and take the Clockwerk heart, Neyla turned her back on us. I was to distract him while she snuck up behind and got him. Of course, that didn't happen, I fell to the ground from the high position we were at, almost broke my neck, and fell unconscious. Rajan made a move to finish me, but Murray jumped down and thrashed him up. As he called out to Neyla for help, there she was waiting with The Contessa, some lady who works with Interpol who owns a prison. We were arrested there on the spot. Of course, she couldn't have just THAT. No, she had to frame Carmelita as well. The night we were dancing as a distraction, Neyla took a picture, and blamed Carmelita for being one of our accomplices. Of course, we were handcuffed and marched into a waiting police vehicle. Neyla took my pouch where I was keeping this book, and my cane. I demanded she give it back or else. Of course, she gave me a disgusting smug little look and said "If you want it back, stand on one foot, hop around three times, and bark like a dog". Murray let out a few cries for me not to do it, and Carmelita gave me one look and said "I KNOW you have more dignity than that…" Of course, what else could I do? Begging and pleading was going to get me nowhere and make me look stupid. I stood on one foot and was about to hop around when a surge of anger swept over me. I wasn't going to let her win that easily. As I turned, I gave her a good, hard kick in the side. She didn't see it coming and fell to the ground in pain. This drew the attention of all nearby officers, which I made a foolish attempt to fight. This resulted in me getting a large, metal collar around my neck to the point where I was almost suffocating. I made a big deal of being locked up and tried to resist in any way possible. That was the first time I really let my anger get the better of me. And I paid the price. Neyla gave me my pouch and cane back as she got up and brushed dirt of herself. She didn't have anything to say; after all, I could've beaten her up if there weren't guards around. The Contessa assured her for resisting arrest, I'd be placed in solitary confinement so I would "cause trouble for the other inmates". And that is where I currently am. In a small hole, in the ground, covered up by an iron door. In the cold. Alone. They tried to give me something to eat, but I refused it. I'm not trusting any prison food, and I can go a while without eating. I might refuse to eat for a while and maybe the guards might think I was going suicidal. If I were to die in jail due to starvation, that won't look too good for The Contessa. But now that I look around, there aren't many means of escape, I don't know if the guards are on trucker pills or whatever, but they always seem to be wake and semi-alert. All I really have to say is that being in "The Hole" is going to make me scream if I have to be in here much longer. Murray was taken to an ordinary cell in the prison and I have no clue where Carmelita was sent. I feel bad, it's all my fault that she lost her job and is now in prison. Being an officer of the law was the one thing I could tell she really loved, and now I ruined it for her just because of one our risky plans. And I know Murray definitely isn't enjoying prison right now. The only bright side to any of this is that Bentley got away. He's probably lonely right now. And he certainly hates that. He was always worried something like this would happen to Murray and me because we weren't always cautious. Well Bentley, you were right. I shouldn't have trusted that horrible witch Neyla and endangered us all, but I did. I'm going to go to sleep for now, my hand hurts from writing and it's a little cold outside. My anger has pretty much cooled down from when I started thinking. And besides, what else do I have to do around here?


	7. Chapter 7

Day 1

Or maybe it's day 2? Who cares? I'm still angry about Neyla. I felt things about her that I didn't even write down in this book. I trusted her, I cared about her. It's like a friend offering you help, you let you guard down for 5 seconds, and they stab you in back. Over and over and over. And Carmelita, too. I knew that they probably didn't get along, but she sent her superior to jail. Carmelita was so innocent, would never break the law, and dedicated all her time to her job. None of the other officers said anything as she was taken away. None of them whispered to each other, as if doubting Neyla. All of them looked shocked. All of them knew it seemed odd for Carmelita to do something like that. All of them knew she wanted nothing more than to see me behind bars, none of them said a word.

Day 2

The food here is terrible. I'm not even kidding. If you put someone in "the hole" I thought you were supposed to feed them as little as possible. And this isn't bad as in "jail bad", this is bad as in someone tried to make it taste good or "some balanced" diet thing. Key word: tried. It's incredibly cold, and I learned the hard way from yesterday, if you don't eat, you're in trouble. I was force-fed. Painfully. I'm not sure why I resisted so much, probably because I just didn't feel like listening. But I'm paying the price, I have eaten 2 days worth of food, and my throat hurts from being almost chocked.

Day 3

I can't stand it anymore. This sucks. It's pretty high-security, so there's no way out. I miss my friends, I miss being free, and I miss being chased by Carmelita. I just want to get out more than anything. Maybe I can escape. But on my way here, I noticed some guards circling around like mad. There are virtually no blind spots. And I can't check for any because I'm in "the hole".

Day 4

Nothing much to say here, just sitting around, bored. Playing tic-tac-toe in the dirt with myself. They don't call it "solitary confinement" for nothing. It's so boring, sometimes I feel pain in my chest, the crushing loneliness is overbearing. I might even go mad. This is just crazy. I can't get out to stretch my legs; I can't talk to anyone, look forward to anything, just sit in the darkness and eat terrible food. I need an escape plan, but Bentley's the one who comes up with these things; my plans are terrible and flawed. Bentley doesn't consider them to be plans, just "ideas" or "suggestions". No way I could find a way out of jail on my own.

Day 5

I'm still working on the escape. I'm recalling every movie I ever saw on escaping out of prison. Which is like, 4 of them, but I still have to draw up everything I can think of.

Day 6

Still no idea, but this food is terrible, I feel a bit dizzy. Actually, VERY dizzy. And exhausted, even though whenever I can't think of anything, I just go to sleep.

Day 7

I feel more and more dizzy everyday. It isn't nausea, I don't feel like I might throw up, just dizzy, and unalert. The guard who brings me my food was yelling "hey" at me for about 5 minutes before I noticed him. I'm getting a bit worried.

Day 9

I didn't feel like writing yesterday. Too sick, and busy. I'm getting out of here, one way or another!

Day 10

I spent all day after that last entry thinking up things. I've got a good one! I will dig out! Yes, it may take a while, maybe a few days, but I can dig out. And if any guards come after me, I'll fight them!

Day 11

Digging's working, I dug with my bare hands all day yesterday. The guy who brought me my food noticed, but he didn't say anything. Maybe he's rotting for my escape. He seemed worried, but I assured him that I would get out of here!

Oh my god. I'm looking back at what I wrote and realized that I was losing it. Big time. Digging out? That's crazy! I can't believe I actually wrote something nuts like that. I guess it's the stress and feeling of betrayal. Bentley came; he busted a train car through the brick wall around where I was. The guard must've forgotten to lock the entrance to the hole, because I pushed the door right off. I could barley make it to the place he found to hide out. He told me I was acting confused and excited. He didn't blame me; solitary confinement does that to people. As soon as I made it back, I began to talk. A lot. And he also told me I seemed weak and couldn't stand up correctly. He convinced me to get some rest and relax. I did. I passed out for like, 20 hours. That amazed me how long it took me to wake up. I feel better, a lot better. Any longer, and I'd have been sent away to a mental asylum. I still can't believe what I was thinking? Digging? I feel bad for the guard who checked up on me, if I had to visit a crazy guy everyday, I'd quit. I hear Bentley coming back, I'll write more later.


	8. Chapter 8

Okay, the plan is to get Murray into solitary confinement so we can bust him out. I have to admit, even though Bentley isn't as strong as me or Murray, he can certainly survive without the two of us. I'm not sure about Murray, but myself alone, there's no way I could survive. I could easily be outwitted by someone smarter, or beat to a pulp by someone stronger. I just felt… alone. We're like brothers, and I don' know what came over me, but it felt like nobody was going to help me. I was certainly happy that Bentley got away, but at the same time, upset. I feel bad for underestimating our friendship like that. I guess I need to learn to trust those I care about a little more. Well, right now, Murray has to trust me; I have to get to work on trying to help him get out of jail.

I talked to Bentley about what the Contessa is up to. Apparently she's a member of the Klaww gang and is hypnotizing criminals into telling where their stash is. No wonder she has so much money for all these things. I've disabled a giant robot (why does she even need one?) and took some tank schedules off of her and some guards. Murray got moved to solitary for fighting, and now we're ready to go. Bentley's going to take a tank, blast open solitary confinement, and then we'll get Murray and get out. Simple, provided we don't get caught. It's almost time, we're going by the tank schedule so we don't get caught, better get moving.

Mission successful. We got the big guy out of jail. It was pretty stressful, we had to go through a lot, but in the end, the gang is reunited once again. Unfortunately, the Contessa got away. We're not too sure on her whereabouts, but that isn't one of our primary concerns at the moment. We're busy celebrating. I don't think we've ever been split apart from each other in our whole lives. Sure, we haven't been glued together for 20 years, but we've never been taken away form each other. We're laying low in the wilderness for now, out camping. It feels good to just spend some time with your friends, especially if you almost lost them forever. It's getting late now, and the guys won't appreciate me keeping them up with a flashlight, so I'll write more in the morning. After a good night's sleep with my best friends, of course.


End file.
